Don’t be a full cup

Looking “in control” often comes at the expense of seeking truth and thinking clearly. Understand why this happens and consider a wiser way to operate, while still managing the optics you must manage.

Too many of us go about doing our work as though we are a full cup¹.

Due to optics pressure (which is real) and high performance expectations (which are fairly common, especially in product leadership), we feel compelled to convince ourselves that we know how to tackle every challenge and — here’s the problematic part — that we can do it without external input and guidance.

We are essentially a full cup: nothing more can be added because we are so full of knowledge, data, and expertise.

In reality, we are not actually trying to convince ourselves that we are a full cup. Deep down, we know this isn’t true.

But because of the chronic pressure to come across as though we have it all figured out — at staff meetings, in product reviews, at leadership offsites — we start to fake a certain role: the role of a full cup.

We have answers for everything and rational explanations for everything in our purview (and often for things outside our purview).

Play any make-believe role long enough and you’ll surely confuse your inner reality with that role.

And so, after several years of this conditioning, as we ascend the ladder and broaden our scope, we actually become a full cup.

The chief result is that we become less open to input and less open to ideas other than our own except if those ideas originate from someone more powerful, someone “higher” than us in the hierarchy.

How to solve this?

It would be unrealistic to deny the need to manage optics in most organizations. You may, at times, need to play the role of a full cup if that is what your environment expects.

But here’s the suggestion: in most of your day-to-day dealings — in 1:1s, in product discussions, when making product decisions — imagine yourself as a cup that is ¾ full.

Practically, this means that in almost any meaningful interaction, you remind yourself that you do have significant know-how, but you are also leaving space for input, ideas, and advice.

Even when advice is not offered, as a ¾-full cup, you feel comfortable seeking it. You are intentionally leaving room for outside inspiration.

Then, when the need arises to manage optics and create the perception of a full cup, visualize yourself shifting from a ¾-full cup to a cup that is completely full.

Project that confidence and present that information, secure in the knowledge that you have gathered more data, sought more ideas, and received better input than you might have otherwise.

1. I first heard about the full cup / empty cup metaphor in elementary school and it somehow stayed with me over the years. If you liked this metaphor, you might enjoy this parable too.